Rebellion Is Not An Option

But Some Teens Choose It
You remember the scene all too well. Each weekend, the Islamic school class starts off slowly, with the teacher reading from his notes about the importance of learning, of believing, and of practicing what we learn and believe. No problems yet. Then the teacher asks the students for their homework assignments and a young girl exclaims that homework is just another technique to extend the teacher’s control outside the classroom and into her private life. She says if Allaah is in charge, then He would have made her get up and do her homework. The teacher is always troubled by her comments and reacts in exactly the same way, telling her to fear Allaah and to seek refuge in Allaah from the devil. The other students giggle nervously and she feels emboldened to take on the teacher and to further frustrate him.
The teacher, an uncle in the community who is very passionate about Islam, is visibly upset because he is always being interrupted by the young girl who keeps questioning the existence of Allaah and the teachings of the Qur`aan. He is a sincere individual but has little or no formal training either in teaching or in dealing with youth. She is 14 years old, wears the hijaab in the masjid because her mother tells her to do so, and has managed to get her ear lobes, nose, and tongue pierced. When the teacher looks away, she proudly tries to show the other students the nightclub stamp on the back of her hand from the night before, when she attended a punk Muslim concert. Welcome to the world of rebellion, alienation, and isolation.
All is not well in the Muslim community, at least when it comes to the state of a portion of our youth population. Various studies indicate that the population of young Muslims, those under the age of 25, is rising all over the world (Pew Forum). And yet there is little indication that the Muslim community at large has either prepared for this demographic shift or has a realistic assessment of the challenges confronting these youth as they come of age. Beyond anecdotal, sensationalized exchanges at social gatherings, our community seems not to want to admit that youth who do not fit in because they are struggling with their faith and beliefs have no outlet, no comfort zone, where they can sit, be themselves, and explore out loud what they are feeling and experiencing.
Left with few or no options to socialize within the circles of young practicing Muslims, some youth choose to rebel, and at great cost to their personal, spiritual, emotional, financial, and social lives. While the majority of Muslim youth do emerge from their teenage years unscathed and with a firm conviction in Islamic beliefs and teachings, we focus our attention in this essay on those few youth who seem to fall between the cracks and choose rebellion as their coping technique.
Simplistic Blame
The first reaction, which you must be much too familiar with, is that we adults blame you the youth, for rebelling and essentially giving Islam a bad name. We find it detestable that you do not heed the advice of your other well-meaning young Muslim friends, who remind you of your Islamic obligations not to date, drink alcohol, consume drugs, or listen to music. We suggest often that the Muslim community is doing everything it possibly can and more to help you, but that you are in fact beyond receiving help, and it is you who are to blame.
Some of us confuse our cultural practices for Islamic teachings and end up attempting to have you conform to culture as if doing so was the equivalent of being a good Muslim. Some of us interpret Islamic teachings very narrow-mindedly, and the result is that we are harsh and unforgiving towards you. Sometimes you are asking questions about Islam because you are sincerely seeking out clarification, trying in earnest to understand why it is you who are being asked to do this and to not do that. Sometimes you are experimenting with clothing styles, hairstyles, your sexuality, and even your mannerisms, and we simply do not have the patience and the wherewithal to allow you some latitude within the Islamic framework.
And you react, saying that what drives you to rebel and to seek to isolate yourself from the Muslim community is that many of the Muslim youth, and most of the elders, tend to reflect a “holier than thou” attitude. You feel pushed away by us and seek out friends who do not judge you and who accept you for who you are. And in the process of moving away from us, you are tested by Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta`aala with opportunities to befriend young people, some of them Muslims who have similarly felt rejected by the Muslim community and who have sought to carve out their own groups, formed along special interests like hip-hop music, punk music, all-black clothing, funky hairstyles, and body piercing, just to name a few (Fariborz).
Some of the choices you end up making are clearly not permissible according to Islamic teachings. You know that and we know that. However, in your attempts to find friendships and companionships, and to feel a sense of belonging, you place less value on following Islamic teachings and more value on fitting in. And sooner or later, you do come to your senses and realize on your own the beauty of Islam, away from all of the cultural corruption that we have imposed upon it.
On the one hand, we are being overly simplistic by blaming you and not calling ourselves to account for not having the foresight and vision to anticipate your random behavior. On the other hand, you are being unrealistic by choosing to rebel, because the temporary gain you feel by being accepted and appearing to fit in, does not justify the long-term consequences of your choices such as dropping out of school, a negative impact on your health and mind, broken family ties, and, of course, punishment from Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta`aala should you choose not to repent for your youthful indiscretions.
Virtual Communities
The latest fad is that when you are left with no options to find like-minded friends in your own community, you join virtual communities and develop friendships online. While in principle there is no problem with your having an online presence, there are few if any safeguards to ensure that you are not exposing yourself to emotional or physical harm through your online friendships. Virtual identities are impossible to verify. Some people with ill intentions could pose as Muslim youth wanting to rebel just like you, wanting to act out against their parents and the Muslim community. Being vulnerable and feeling alienated from your own parents and community, you might incline eagerly towards these individuals, only to find your trust violated. Think twice, be careful, and exercise caution so that you are only maintaining an online presence with people whose identity you have been able to verify independently.
Final Thoughts
Rebellion is not a 21st century phenomenon. Young people have rebelled against their families, their friends, and their communities throughout time. However, for some unknown reason, whenever and wherever young people rebel these days, the adults almost always treat youthful rebellion as if it has never happened before in history and as if the world is about to end. As the population of Muslim youth around the world continues to increase, young people and adults alike should be thinking ahead to ensure that extra special attention is given to those youth who seem least likely to fit in and who might choose to rebel. If you are reading this essay and you are either one of those youth who are in the midst of a rebellion or are considering rebelling, think again.
Hating those who misunderstand you and trying to act out against those who seem to limit your search for an identity might seem like viable options at the moment they are conceived. But if you pause and reflect, you will realize that Islam has so much to offer you — much more than the narrow-minded interpretations sometimes provided by our families, friends, and, yes, sometimes even religious leaders. This religion of yours is beautiful and Allaah Most High has blessed you by willing that you be born into the religion. Now all you have to do is to get to the message of Islam, to internalize it, and to live your life according to its teachings.
If you are reading this essay and you are friends with someone who is rebelling or acting out, be there for them, win their trust and confidence, and reassure them that they can always count on you for support. And then, be there so that in sha’ Allaah, your friend will not choose rebellion as an option

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